Not a Piece of ‘Meet’ Dear EFR: I have been married for five years, and during that time my sex life has just been a misery. My husband cannot get interested in me unless I allow him to get ‘creative.’ As a result, I’ve had to endure what I consider some of the most perverted [...]
SPACE – The Final Y Front-ier?
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The return of the space shuttle Endeavour on July 31 marked a great leap forward in the history of underpants. Returning to Earth was Astronaut Koichi Wakata of the Japanese space agency, JAXA, who had secretly been testing super jocks during his four months on the International Space Station. According to this daring astronaut, he [...]
The Zen of Junior High Dodgeball
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Here in Seattle, it’s known as Soak ‘Em* and back in 1979, when I was in the seventh grade, it was more brutal than any other game our emotionally damaged gym teacher could select from his vast trunk of torturous and humiliating activities. Hands down, Soak ‘Em was more painful than touch football, more dangerous [...]
Skinny Women are Real Women, Too!
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We are supposed to be a nation of tolerance. If you criticise someone for being gay, for being fat, for being black or being female you will (quite rightly) cop a severe tongue lashing for your lack of empathy. However, apparently it’s quite okay to criticise people for being thin. The phrase ‘real women have [...]
Brown Belt, Black Shoes
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Photo by Miles Ranno I’m the first to admit that I think high fashion is silly. One of my favorite magazines, Vanity Fair, is absolutely gorged with full-page ads for ostentatious brands like Fendi, Louis Vuitton and Versace, and I only tolerate them because they are what keeps the cover price in a somewhat reasonable [...]
The London Olympics – Let’s Get Involved!
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Politicians, mainly the ones who are involved in this harebrained scheme, have been complaining that there are those in the provinces and indeed in the capital itself who are not showing the proper enthusiasm and reverence for the multi-billion pound scheme that is London’s 2012 Olympics. I say piffle, why would we up north possibly [...]
Blackberries, Big Wheels, and “Bleachy Mama”
We use to pick blackberries together, she and I. I didn’t like blackberries, but it was fun picking them along the railroad tracks beside our apartment complex. Our fingers would be stained deep purple, her tongue and lips would match. She had chubby cheeks and the sweetest smile, made even sweeter by the silver caps [...]
You Can't Get Good Help These Days
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“What you need is a vacation.” Sixty-fifth Assistant glanced at his boss through the corner of his eye, sneaking a peek at the boss’s reaction to his suggestion. Noting with no small amount of relief that the boss was still sitting calmly behind his desk, he dared to add, “Perhaps somewhere near Capricus Prime or [...]
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