Reader Responses to Harlots' Sauce Radio |
Response to "Stay the Hell Away From My Reproductive Rights"
by Natasha Stillman , published June 2008
When I was a teen, women’s rights to be as free sexually as men were proclaimed
and abortion and a woman’s right to choose emerged as every woman’s
prerogative. 16-year-old girls I knew got pregnant, took a quick trip to the city and
terminated the pregnancy. Snap. We were told it wasn’t a baby, just a clump of
cells. Many had more than one abortion.
Through my 30’s, I was a full fledged supporter of Planned Parenthood. I supported
women’s rights to choose. After all, if men were the ones who carried babies, there
wouldn’t be any discussion of legislation against abortion, I was convinced. I
believed that it was our bodies, our lives, and our right to make the choices about
both.
But recently I read a well-reasoned, well-presented article on women’s reproductive
rights here in Harlots Sauce Radio e-magazine, and after reading this article, I
thought the view of one who has had an abortion should be heard.
At 28, I got pregnant. I was ashamed at the prospect of a public, unmarried
pregnancy and at the time, my salary was barely enough to support me. And I
believed that an infant in the womb the size of a grain of rice was a blob, not yet a
life. No brain. No soul. No humanity.
The actual procedure was a nightmare I’ll never forget. I was awake and knew
what was happening. I was in a large room of with rows of beds separated by
curtains bustling with women in there all for the same reason. It was a factory.
Back then, my HMO charged me $3.00 for the procedure, the price of a lunch.
That night I went home and fell apart. But eventually, I was able to put it past me
and had many good rationalizations for why it was the right thing to do which
included the discovery that the father had a hereditary mental illness (totally
manageable today). Yet, months later, I got a bottle of wine, a bottle of pills and
drank and drank until I was ready to finish the pills. I passed out instead. And life
moved on again.
Fast forward eight years to age 36. After a year and a half of trying to conceive,
I became joyously, exquisitely pregnant. We had an ultrasound at 16 weeks. I
never got over seeing my daughter doing somersaults and sucking her thumb. She
wasn’t a grain of rice. Nor was my second daughter on the ultrasound at the teeny,
vibrant age of 11 weeks.
The first time my husband saw the ultrasound he blurted out, “How could anyone
doubt that this is a baby?” My heart sank, but my mind went blank to protect
myself. I felt a sudden sadness at the time of joy, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to
put the pieces together, until they came crashing together later.
When my youngest daughter was four, I heard a radio advertisement for women
who were “living with the pain of abortion,” and I called in to find out how to make
peace with what I’d done, because now, as a mother of two, I knew. I had killed my
child. I can’t sugarcoat it. I’m sorry. That’s what I did. I went through "Project
Rachel," and no one preached about “the right to life.” Instead, I was able to name
my child, baptize him, and make peace with him and with my Maker seeking
forgiveness from both. I learned that my child was happy. He was with God. It was
I, like many women, who was left with the aftermath, the horror, the grief and
disconnect from God and from my essence as a human being. Through that loving
ministry I found forgiveness from my child, God and myself and I became whole
again.
And all of the above is what gets left out in pro-choice stories---what happens to
the woman who has the abortion? What does she live with, after? What about the
baby's rights? For, it is a baby at 6 weeks or 2 weeks. After I read Natasha
Stillman’s reproductive rights article, I forced myself to look at photos of aborted
fetuses at 6 weeks and on. Believe me when I say that I’d always thought that “pro-
lifers” who displayed terminated “fetuses” – babies – were rabid and it was an
abhorrent tactic. But… if someone had shown me my ultrasound, if someone had
shown me what a terminated “fetus” at 6 weeks looks like, would I have gone
through with the abortion? I'll never know.
What stunned me most was what even the earliest procedure does to a fetus. As a
mother, it is beyond comprehension that I would have allowed that to happen to my
first child. In 2003, the CDC reported 854,122 legal abortions. That was in only one
year. What would we say if we lost that many soldiers in a year? Or women to
breast cancer? And these are only all the legal, reported abortions in the U.S.
When I looked up reasons for abortions (early term) this is what I discovered:
• 25.5% Want to postpone childbearing
• 21.3% Cannot afford a baby
• 14.1% Has relationship problem or partner does not want pregnancy
• 12.2% Too young; parent(s) or other(s) object to pregnancy
• 10.8% Having a child will disrupt education or job
• 7.9% Want no (more) children
• 3.3% Risk to fetal health
• 2.8% Risk to maternal health
• 1% due to rape or incest
When I looked up reasons for late-term abortions (16 weeks or later i.e. partial
birth abortions), this is what I found:
• 71% Woman didn't recognize she was pregnant or misjudged gestation
• 48% Woman found it hard to make arrangements for abortion
• 33% Woman was afraid to tell her partner or parents
• 24% Woman took time to decide to have an abortion
• 8% Woman waited for her relationship to change
• 8% Someone pressured woman not to have abortion
• 6% Something changed after woman became pregnant
• 6% Woman didn't know timing is important
• 5% Woman didn't know she could get an abortion
• 2% A fetal problem was diagnosed late in pregnancy
• 11% Other
The stunning statistics prove that most abortions are not about a threat to maternal
life, or rape, or incest, or fetal health.
So now I ask, what about the baby's rights? I no longer believe it’s a fetus at two
weeks, at six weeks, or at 24 weeks. It is a baby with a growing mind and a soul.
When one miscarries early, a little red clot is expelled. When one aborts, it is not
that. My heart breaks listening to MDs share exactly what happens in both early-
term and late-term abortions.
I am against abortion. But I confess that even after I had my journey with Project
Rachel, I couldn’t become what I characterized as a “pro-lifer.” I didn’t want some
young woman dying in a back alley as before abortion was legal. I still don’t. And I
fear the slippery slope of morality and religion colliding with government and law.
But I don’t speak from a place of religious morality. I speak from a place of Life.
To me, the issue now isn’t about government regulations. The issue is about a
society that does not take care of its own. We live in a society of judgment and
hypocrisy and one that doesn’t want to deal with the messy stuff, like helping a
young pregnant woman, or a divorced mother of four who gets pregnant with
number five, or providing healthcare to the woman who opts to have a disabled child.
The government should stay out of women’s rights. But if we had a society that
cared for each and every human with dignity, abortion might not need to be the
solution.
The same people who scream for the rights of the unborn are the ones who want to
preach abstinence when statistics show that “ain’t” happening. If the teens are
having sex, then give them birth control and get your head out of the sand. Sure we
want them to wait, but let's face reality. And even the liberal media on the opposite
side mocks a young teen star who has a child out of wedlock. How about applauding
her for not aborting? Hypocrisy exists on both sides of the ideological fence. Is
there any wonder women find themselves with no options?
Despite all of this, Ms. Stillman’s article ---odd as it seems---led me right into the
unequivocal wrongness of abortion. What I saw and I felt in the moment of witness
to abortion, everything in me screamed against the right to choice.
I now know it's children's rights that are meant to come first in life. I still may not
say I’m pro-life. I now say, I am FOR LIFE. But, I don’t judge. Remember, I had
an abortion. I just think that in the end, the right to choose is not something that
really helps the mother as much as people believe.
And finally, I want to say this any woman who did make the choice to have an
abortion: Whether it was without much thought as I did, or after painful
deliberation, there are healing ministries that can help you make peace with
yourself and your unborn child, and know that he or she is fine and wants you to
find happiness.
Still, I think, “My son, (whom I’ve now given a name,) would have been 26 this
year.”
July 2008
(Editor’s note- this reader requested to remain anonymous)
by Natasha Stillman , published June 2008
When I was a teen, women’s rights to be as free sexually as men were proclaimed
and abortion and a woman’s right to choose emerged as every woman’s
prerogative. 16-year-old girls I knew got pregnant, took a quick trip to the city and
terminated the pregnancy. Snap. We were told it wasn’t a baby, just a clump of
cells. Many had more than one abortion.
Through my 30’s, I was a full fledged supporter of Planned Parenthood. I supported
women’s rights to choose. After all, if men were the ones who carried babies, there
wouldn’t be any discussion of legislation against abortion, I was convinced. I
believed that it was our bodies, our lives, and our right to make the choices about
both.
But recently I read a well-reasoned, well-presented article on women’s reproductive
rights here in Harlots Sauce Radio e-magazine, and after reading this article, I
thought the view of one who has had an abortion should be heard.
At 28, I got pregnant. I was ashamed at the prospect of a public, unmarried
pregnancy and at the time, my salary was barely enough to support me. And I
believed that an infant in the womb the size of a grain of rice was a blob, not yet a
life. No brain. No soul. No humanity.
The actual procedure was a nightmare I’ll never forget. I was awake and knew
what was happening. I was in a large room of with rows of beds separated by
curtains bustling with women in there all for the same reason. It was a factory.
Back then, my HMO charged me $3.00 for the procedure, the price of a lunch.
That night I went home and fell apart. But eventually, I was able to put it past me
and had many good rationalizations for why it was the right thing to do which
included the discovery that the father had a hereditary mental illness (totally
manageable today). Yet, months later, I got a bottle of wine, a bottle of pills and
drank and drank until I was ready to finish the pills. I passed out instead. And life
moved on again.
Fast forward eight years to age 36. After a year and a half of trying to conceive,
I became joyously, exquisitely pregnant. We had an ultrasound at 16 weeks. I
never got over seeing my daughter doing somersaults and sucking her thumb. She
wasn’t a grain of rice. Nor was my second daughter on the ultrasound at the teeny,
vibrant age of 11 weeks.
The first time my husband saw the ultrasound he blurted out, “How could anyone
doubt that this is a baby?” My heart sank, but my mind went blank to protect
myself. I felt a sudden sadness at the time of joy, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to
put the pieces together, until they came crashing together later.
When my youngest daughter was four, I heard a radio advertisement for women
who were “living with the pain of abortion,” and I called in to find out how to make
peace with what I’d done, because now, as a mother of two, I knew. I had killed my
child. I can’t sugarcoat it. I’m sorry. That’s what I did. I went through "Project
Rachel," and no one preached about “the right to life.” Instead, I was able to name
my child, baptize him, and make peace with him and with my Maker seeking
forgiveness from both. I learned that my child was happy. He was with God. It was
I, like many women, who was left with the aftermath, the horror, the grief and
disconnect from God and from my essence as a human being. Through that loving
ministry I found forgiveness from my child, God and myself and I became whole
again.
And all of the above is what gets left out in pro-choice stories---what happens to
the woman who has the abortion? What does she live with, after? What about the
baby's rights? For, it is a baby at 6 weeks or 2 weeks. After I read Natasha
Stillman’s reproductive rights article, I forced myself to look at photos of aborted
fetuses at 6 weeks and on. Believe me when I say that I’d always thought that “pro-
lifers” who displayed terminated “fetuses” – babies – were rabid and it was an
abhorrent tactic. But… if someone had shown me my ultrasound, if someone had
shown me what a terminated “fetus” at 6 weeks looks like, would I have gone
through with the abortion? I'll never know.
What stunned me most was what even the earliest procedure does to a fetus. As a
mother, it is beyond comprehension that I would have allowed that to happen to my
first child. In 2003, the CDC reported 854,122 legal abortions. That was in only one
year. What would we say if we lost that many soldiers in a year? Or women to
breast cancer? And these are only all the legal, reported abortions in the U.S.
When I looked up reasons for abortions (early term) this is what I discovered:
• 25.5% Want to postpone childbearing
• 21.3% Cannot afford a baby
• 14.1% Has relationship problem or partner does not want pregnancy
• 12.2% Too young; parent(s) or other(s) object to pregnancy
• 10.8% Having a child will disrupt education or job
• 7.9% Want no (more) children
• 3.3% Risk to fetal health
• 2.8% Risk to maternal health
• 1% due to rape or incest
When I looked up reasons for late-term abortions (16 weeks or later i.e. partial
birth abortions), this is what I found:
• 71% Woman didn't recognize she was pregnant or misjudged gestation
• 48% Woman found it hard to make arrangements for abortion
• 33% Woman was afraid to tell her partner or parents
• 24% Woman took time to decide to have an abortion
• 8% Woman waited for her relationship to change
• 8% Someone pressured woman not to have abortion
• 6% Something changed after woman became pregnant
• 6% Woman didn't know timing is important
• 5% Woman didn't know she could get an abortion
• 2% A fetal problem was diagnosed late in pregnancy
• 11% Other
The stunning statistics prove that most abortions are not about a threat to maternal
life, or rape, or incest, or fetal health.
So now I ask, what about the baby's rights? I no longer believe it’s a fetus at two
weeks, at six weeks, or at 24 weeks. It is a baby with a growing mind and a soul.
When one miscarries early, a little red clot is expelled. When one aborts, it is not
that. My heart breaks listening to MDs share exactly what happens in both early-
term and late-term abortions.
I am against abortion. But I confess that even after I had my journey with Project
Rachel, I couldn’t become what I characterized as a “pro-lifer.” I didn’t want some
young woman dying in a back alley as before abortion was legal. I still don’t. And I
fear the slippery slope of morality and religion colliding with government and law.
But I don’t speak from a place of religious morality. I speak from a place of Life.
To me, the issue now isn’t about government regulations. The issue is about a
society that does not take care of its own. We live in a society of judgment and
hypocrisy and one that doesn’t want to deal with the messy stuff, like helping a
young pregnant woman, or a divorced mother of four who gets pregnant with
number five, or providing healthcare to the woman who opts to have a disabled child.
The government should stay out of women’s rights. But if we had a society that
cared for each and every human with dignity, abortion might not need to be the
solution.
The same people who scream for the rights of the unborn are the ones who want to
preach abstinence when statistics show that “ain’t” happening. If the teens are
having sex, then give them birth control and get your head out of the sand. Sure we
want them to wait, but let's face reality. And even the liberal media on the opposite
side mocks a young teen star who has a child out of wedlock. How about applauding
her for not aborting? Hypocrisy exists on both sides of the ideological fence. Is
there any wonder women find themselves with no options?
Despite all of this, Ms. Stillman’s article ---odd as it seems---led me right into the
unequivocal wrongness of abortion. What I saw and I felt in the moment of witness
to abortion, everything in me screamed against the right to choice.
I now know it's children's rights that are meant to come first in life. I still may not
say I’m pro-life. I now say, I am FOR LIFE. But, I don’t judge. Remember, I had
an abortion. I just think that in the end, the right to choose is not something that
really helps the mother as much as people believe.
And finally, I want to say this any woman who did make the choice to have an
abortion: Whether it was without much thought as I did, or after painful
deliberation, there are healing ministries that can help you make peace with
yourself and your unborn child, and know that he or she is fine and wants you to
find happiness.
Still, I think, “My son, (whom I’ve now given a name,) would have been 26 this
year.”
July 2008
(Editor’s note- this reader requested to remain anonymous)
If you have an opinion, counter-point, question, or compliment, This is where we publish it. Email us at: editors@harlotssauce.com |
Read Ms. Stillman's original article, "Stay the Hell Away from My Reproductive Rights!" Here |
