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Skinny Women are Real Women, Too!

by Charlotte Steggs 1 June 2009 11 Comments

We are supposed to be a nation of tolerance. If you criticise someone for being gay, for being fat, for being black or being female you will (quite rightly) cop a severe tongue lashing for your lack of empathy. However, apparently it’s quite okay to criticise people for being thin.

The phrase ‘real women have curves’ springs to mind. A lot of people have been saying it in response to Jennifer Love Hewitt’s bikini photos. Initially it sounds great, after all – real women are allowed to have curves and still be real women. Huzzah! What a noble idea! But the problem is it doesn’t say real women can have curves. It decrees that real women and curves are inextricably linked. Real women have curves. If you have no curves, sorry – no amount of menstruation, ovulation, lactation or possession of a vagina is going to make up for it and bring you back to Real Woman Status. Too bad.

I have a friend who is model thin and drop dead gorgeous. She is also just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She never judges anyone by their appearance, but sadly, rarely gets the same consideration in response. Often other women will complain to her about feeling fat and then add a snarky “Not that you’d ever have that problem”. Wow. Imagine if someone thin complained about being unable to gain weight (a condition that is more common than you might think) and turned to a fat woman and said the same thing. I doubt anyone would see that as acceptable, so why is it acceptable to be a bitch to someone just because they’re thin?

And if you have a skinny friend who is desperately trying to gain weight, please do not say “I wish I had that problem!”

There are millions of weight-loss plans, support groups and advice columns for people trying to lose weight. People are more than happy to support you in your quest for weight loss and offer their own advice and support. There is however a woeful lack of support or advice for people trying to gain weight in a healthy manner. It’s not a nice problem to have and there are many medical conditions linked to being underweight, so it would be more appropriate to show a little compassion.

And lastly, I want to have a whinge about the topic of guys who prefer skinny girls. More specifically the condemnation of guys who prefer skinny girls. Honestly, it’s like society sees it as a huge insult to curvy women everywhere if a guy has a preference for thin women. If a man admits he likes a petite lady, he is accused of being brainwashed by the media, of being shallow and of only seeing a woman as an arm ornament. For heaven’s sake, people – it’s just a personal preference! No one accuses guys of insulting white women if they prefer Latina girls. Or of insulting blondes if they have a preference for redheads. No one says that liking girls with pretty faces is only because of media manipulation. No one divides boob-men and leg-men along some kind of imaginary moral divide. And of course no one suggests that voicing a preference for curvy girls may hurt the feelings of their thinner companions. Which it may well do, but, let’s face it, society doesn’t care if skinny girls get their feelings hurt.

You know what, world? It’s okay to have personal preferences! If a woman likes skinny guys no-one bats an eyelid. If someone likes brunettes, good on ‘em. If you’re a bloke (or a chick) and you like women with a bit of meat on their bones, go for it. And if you like thin women, yay you! Thankfully, the world needs all types. Some people are attracted to curvy girls, which is great for us curvy girls, because they’re the ones we usually end up with. And some people like thin girls, which is great for them, because they’re just as deserving of love as anyone else.

So next time you look at a skinny girl and think “bitch,” or tell a guy who likes petite chicks that he is shallow, remember that no one should be judged just because of their weight. Skinny girls are real women too. They have real feelings. And those feelings get hurt when they’re treated badly, when their problems are dismissed, or when guys are told they shouldn’t find them attractive.

11 Comments »

Georgie said:

I love you.

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# 3 June 2009 at 3:29 am

sexyasian said:

i so agree with u . i am an half black girl i am in highschool i go to an all black school and every body in that school has bodys like beyounce or even better i am the only girl in the school that weighs 102 i am 5ft . every body tells me are u on drugs or somepthing u halfblack your spoose to be 140 or bigger . everyone makes fun of me they call me stick of skeleton i say its not my fault my moms asian and she weighs 115. well i guess its just in my asian jeans .

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# 3 July 2009 at 11:29 am

Jenn said:

Oh no, the entire world caters to (and worships) your size and just because somebody isn’t also rah-rah-rah, your feelings are hurt! Get over it. Nobody makes a living making fun of you, or your size. Women in general ARE a bit curvy, yet YOUR size is the ideal we are supposed to strive for. Nobody doubts that you are a real woman, but you are NOT the average one. So bitch about how hard done by you are, but we’re the ones who are criticised and looked down upon for NOT being you.

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lil'vina Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:39 am

i guess people like you will never get it. all she says is that skinny women should be looked at as real women too and we get our feelings hurt just as much as the curvy girls. in this society it’s okay to bash on skinny women but never okay to talk about someone else. the media was the one that created this thin is in crap, not skinny women. i agree with what she says because i get tired of people talking shit about us and think it’s okay when it’s not. we should be respected just as much as everybody else.

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Charlotte Steggs Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:40 am

Hi Jenn,

Just wondering who that comment was directed at since I’m actually overweight. Nobody’s striving for my size that I know of, and I probably won’t be signed up for a modeling contract any time soon. Believe it or not this essay came from a position of empathy, not personal experience.

You’re right that the media is down on fat people. I sure as hell don’t support that. But that doesn’t make it okay for individuals to try and knock skinny people down so they can share the misery. Sizeism is wrong no matter who you’re trying to make miserable.

Charlotte.

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# 2 August 2009 at 6:35 pm

Gia said:

One thing I don’t understand is this:Since WHEN it’s so wrong to be thin? *appaled* I didn’t know being thin is wrong,until the year 2000 hit the Earth….I think that all of this media war against thin women (what hypocrites,they put on pedestal thin women everywhere,and then go bashing on thin women on the other hand) was started By overweight people.I think all of this is just bullsh*t.No,we,thin women,do NOT need anybody’s pitty,we are HAPPY with the way we are and we feel blessed for being the way we are.We do not need anybody’s so called “empathy”(pitty) and anyone who bashes on us can kiss our little,perky as*es.We are more real than anyone can think,and we have curves in the right places,just as a woman should be like.It’s not the SIZE of the woman that matters,but the SHAPE of her body.In the end,what really counts is how one looks naked,not dressed.Clothes can be very deceiving.And I wonder who looks better naked,an overweight chick with cheese like fat on her thighs and butt and what not? Or a well toned,thin woman? Take your guess.If one’s overweight and feels good in her size and skin,then who is anybody to tell her how to be? That’s admirable.But then,if she really is THAT confident,then she shouldn’t feel affected by those who will put her down for being that size.People got preferences.No,on a real sense,no one’s shallow and we all are at the same time.I know it for a fact,that any overweight person who’ll bash on thin women speaks out of jealousy and bitterness,but,sorry to say,it’s not the other way around.

I’m sorry,but I all of this “Oh,poor thin women,they are real women,too…awww”….There’s no such thing! We take pride in being the way we are and we don’t give a sh*t on anyone who thinks we’re not women or what not.We know what we’re made of and what we can do and we don’t need,again,anybody’s empathy for us.Sure,you’re right,no one should “hurt” our feelings,but you know,many of us take it as a compliment when we hear somebody bitch about us or at us,it means we hit a nerve.And most often than not,those same people are the ones being jealous and wishing they could be as thin and toned.I am sorry I had to sound so conceited,but,this is the truth.In the end,I just wish all of this bashing between thinnies and fatties would end for once.Because I’m starting to get sick of it.And all of this ‘real women have curves” campaign’s bullsh*t.Real bullsh*t.Because it was designed to only support a certain group,it’s discriminatory.A serious person wouldn’t take that sh*t seriously.Come on.lol

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lucy Reply:
January 29th, 2010 at 2:30 am

first off you can’t change the tone of your writing by adding lol at the end thats just not right.Sencondly there is no pity here it is empathy i am a skinny girl and this article made me happy because i dont like it when people call me anorexic or look at me wondering how many meals i’ve thrown up that day. i am happy with the way i look it’s other people who aren’t and when people say something like “real women hae curves” it makes me wonder why just because im built like a flat screen tv i’m not considered a “real woman” and i don’t like people bitching about me because i’m a nice person and i never did anything to them to make them hate me, so get off your high horse and speak for yourself and yourself only! oh and thirdly sympathy and empathy are not the same thing.

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# 18 August 2009 at 2:14 pm

Charlotte Steggs said:

Hate is hate no matter what motivations you ascribe to it, Gia. Are some insults directed at thin women out of jealously? Certainly. I’d argue that more of them are said out of anger that skinny women are lauded for no reason other than winning a genetic lottery, and it’s this unfairness that makes people so bitter. Read Jenn’s comment to see the anger that this pervading sentiment creates. And some of the comments are just unthinking, or intended as a compliment that just comes out wrong. You may use these insults to bolster your self-esteem but not all thin women do. It’s for the sake of the ones who get hurt by these comments that I wrote this piece.

Hatred of fatties is a different issue and as you point out it is unlikely to be caused by jealousy. So what is it? Because we equate weight with morality? Because of a sense of entitlement that everything and everyone we look at should fit with our personal ideals? That if a woman isn’t attractive by society’s rules she’s somehow an evil, horrible, disgusting person because as we know the only reason for women to exist is to look pretty and be shaggable?

As to who looks better naked, that’s entirely in the eyes of the beholder. If someone prefers a chubby lass he or she is unlikely to be impressed with a skinny-minny. And vice versa. So picking on women with cheesy thighs is hardly constructive and just buys into all this sizeist crap.

I agree that the bashing between fatties and skinnies should stop but I think the rest of your post perpetuates the conflict rather than ending it. You’re skinny. You’re happy. Good for you. Now let’s encourage fat women to feel just as empowered and perhaps all this sizeism can go away.

Charlotte

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# 18 August 2009 at 6:26 pm

LittleGirl said:

Wow, I thank you. I am a naturally skinny woman. I’m 23 years old, 5′5″ tall, and never weigh more than 100lbs. I have struggled with my weight my entire life, yes struggled. I am literally built like a 12 year old boy, having absolutely no meat anywhere, including my chest. The comments I receive are incredibly hurtful. I have never in my life looked down my nose at anyone, no matter their size, yet have been the brunt of many mean-spirited comments throughout my life. The “real-women” comments are always hurtful. I have a son, doesn’t that make me a woman? Can a man give birth? No. I can, because I am a woman, even if I might not look like one to you. Skinny women (and I’m talking about toothpicks here, like me), struggle with their weight just as much as people who are overweight do, trust me. You don’t need to “compete” with me, or be jealous of me, because I’d much rather look like you.

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# 24 August 2009 at 11:29 am

ProudSkinny said:

Wow, I loved your article!
I am too a skinny girl, most would say the model type. I have had friends tell me that they would kill for my body.
I too struggled with my confidnce coz I thought that I was too skinny, but have realised that I cant help that I have a fast metabolism lol. Instead of seeking for acceptance in others I found it in myself. This acceptance and love for who I am made other people become more attracted to me, I even found love because I first learnt how to love myself, and the guy I’m with is a buff rugby player lol so that just goes to show that it is really personality that counts.

I hope all woman, fat and skinny, can learn to first love themselves.

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# 22 September 2009 at 12:23 pm