Harlots Sauce » Women’s Issues

How to Tell if You’re in Menopause

Patricia Volonakis Davis — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:10:00 +0000

For many women, the cessation of the monthly flow is often not enough to tell for sure whether they’ve reached that “time of life” or not. That’s why I, using the knowledge I’ve gained from obtaining my DFR (Doctorate in Failed Relationships), have provided you with this scientific checklist.

You will know you are in menopause if:

1) That ‘monthly bloating’ you get around your tummy lasts for two consecutive years or more, and is now additionally spreading to your hips and thighs.

2) You wake up one morning, glance in the mirror, and notice that the skin on your face has shifted so drastically, it appears as though you’ve had a stroke, although you can still smile. (Except that you don’t want to.)

3) One day, out of the blue, you look at your husband and grown children and wonder, “Who are these people sitting around my table, and why did I get off Facebook to cook for them?”

4) The actual mechanics of sex suddenly seem as ludicrous to you now as they did when you first heard about them on the playground when you were nine years old.

Or………

You think about having sex all the time, except that the people you think about having it with were all born after 1985.

5) You say, “The hell with it,” get the names of all your grandchildren tattooed on your (sagging) backside, and buy a motorcycle.

by ‘Dr’. Patricia V. Davis

_______________________________________________

Skinny Women are Real Women, Too!

Charlotte Steggs — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:09:45 +0000

We are supposed to be a nation of tolerance. If you criticise someone for being gay, for being fat, for being black or being female you will (quite rightly) cop a severe tongue lashing for your lack of empathy. However, apparently it’s quite okay to criticise people for being thin.

The phrase ‘real women have curves’ springs to mind. A lot of people have been saying it in response to Jennifer Love Hewitt’s bikini photos. Initially it sounds great, after all – real women are allowed to have curves and still be real women. Huzzah! What a noble idea! But the problem is it doesn’t say real women can have curves. It decrees that real women and curves are inextricably linked. Real women have curves. If you have no curves, sorry – no amount of menstruation, ovulation, lactation or possession of a vagina is going to make up for it and bring you back to Real Woman Status. Too bad.

I have a friend who is model thin and drop dead gorgeous. She is also just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She never judges anyone by their appearance, but sadly, rarely gets the same consideration in response. Often other women will complain to her about feeling fat and then add a snarky “Not that you’d ever have that problem”. Wow. Imagine if someone thin complained about being unable to gain weight (a condition that is more common than you might think) and turned to a fat woman and said the same thing. I doubt anyone would see that as acceptable, so why is it acceptable to be a bitch to someone just because they’re thin?

And if you have a skinny friend who is desperately trying to gain weight, please do not say “I wish I had that problem!”

There are millions of weight-loss plans, support groups and advice columns for people trying to lose weight. People are more than happy to support you in your quest for weight loss and offer their own advice and support. There is however a woeful lack of support or advice for people trying to gain weight in a healthy manner. It’s not a nice problem to have and there are many medical conditions linked to being underweight, so it would be more appropriate to show a little compassion.

And lastly, I want to have a whinge about the topic of guys who prefer skinny girls. More specifically the condemnation of guys who prefer skinny girls. Honestly, it’s like society sees it as a huge insult to curvy women everywhere if a guy has a preference for thin women. If a man admits he likes a petite lady, he is accused of being brainwashed by the media, of being shallow and of only seeing a woman as an arm ornament. For heaven’s sake, people – it’s just a personal preference! No one accuses guys of insulting white women if they prefer Latina girls. Or of insulting blondes if they have a preference for redheads. No one says that liking girls with pretty faces is only because of media manipulation. No one divides boob-men and leg-men along some kind of imaginary moral divide. And of course no one suggests that voicing a preference for curvy girls may hurt the feelings of their thinner companions. Which it may well do, but, let’s face it, society doesn’t care if skinny girls get their feelings hurt.

You know what, world? It’s okay to have personal preferences! If a woman likes skinny guys no-one bats an eyelid. If someone likes brunettes, good on ‘em. If you’re a bloke (or a chick) and you like women with a bit of meat on their bones, go for it. And if you like thin women, yay you! Thankfully, the world needs all types. Some people are attracted to curvy girls, which is great for us curvy girls, because they’re the ones we usually end up with. And some people like thin girls, which is great for them, because they’re just as deserving of love as anyone else.

So next time you look at a skinny girl and think “bitch,” or tell a guy who likes petite chicks that he is shallow, remember that no one should be judged just because of their weight. Skinny girls are real women too. They have real feelings. And those feelings get hurt when they’re treated badly, when their problems are dismissed, or when guys are told they shouldn’t find them attractive.

‘Progressive’ Sexism: My Letter to Donna Brazile

Paxton Daryl Branson — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 05:32:33 +0000

Donna's Assinine Remarks

January 2009

Dear Ms. Brazile:

You were the plenary speaker today at the Walden University residency in Dallas, Texas. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come and speak to us. Your speech was, for the most part, entertaining and inspiring. However, I feel compelled to express some dissatisfaction with some of your chosen themes, or rather the inconsistencies within them.

You spoke of your personal struggles as a black woman, the inspiring events of earlier this week, namely the inauguration of our nation’s first Black president. You followed this by saying that you hope to see a day that we inaugurate our first woman president, our first Latino president, our first Asian president, our first Native American president. I applauded along with the rest of the room.

You talked of how we now need to move beyond race and to do away with sexism. Again, I applauded.

But, intermixed in these discussions of how we need to do away with sexism, you joked of how you like to watch football, but you only watch the players “from the waist down”, and then mimicked a football player’s stance to demonstrate what exactly you were looking at. You chastised the media for paying too much attention to Sarah Palin’s appearance, and yet made jokes during your speech about the attractiveness of our new president. One of the first gentlemen to approach the microphone after your speech to ask you a question was greeted by you with such endearments as, “Honey” and “Sweetie,” bringing on much laughter throughout the room.
I have to say that I wasn’t laughing. This man was a doctoral student in the school of Public Policy and Administration, and had a serious question about your thoughts on the future of the Middle-East. Rather than hearing what he had to say, though, the crowd was laughing, because you had just humiliated him in front of 800 strangers. If you had been a man at that podium and behaved that way toward a female doctoral candidate trying to ask you a serious question, how do you suppose the room would have reacted?

Your overt sexism was not your only hypocrisy. You proudly talked about how President Obama is going to shift the power in Washington away from being based on who you know, to what you know, and yet spent much of your lecture dropping the names of politicians and Hollywood celebrities alike. I couldn’t care less who you know, and frankly, thought less and less of you with every name slipped into your speech.

Ms. Brazile, I have no doubt that you are an intelligent, talented, and ambitious woman. You have made truly impressive achievements in your life, and I do not mean to detract from that in the least. However, I believe that, in theory, you would agree that you cannot fight racism with racism, violence with violence, or hatred with hatred, and yet, you seem to think nothing of decrying sexism while engaging in sexism, or continuing the practices of the old insider politics of the past, while rejoicing in its decline. This was done in a room full of doctoral students. I can only hope that they would have enough critical thinking skills to recognize the irony of your statements, but based on the response of the crowd, I am not optimistic about this.

Near the end of your speech, you spoke of how President Obama was going to “lead by example.” You’d do well by making that a motto for yourself, as well.

Sincerely,

Daryl Branson, MPA, Ph.D. candidate
Walden University, School of Public Policy and Administration

____________________________________________________

Brown Belt, Black Shoes

Kirk Starr — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 05:08:40 +0000

Photo by Miles Ranno

I’m the first to admit that I think high fashion is silly. One of my favorite magazines, Vanity Fair, is absolutely gorged with full-page ads for ostentatious brands like Fendi, Louis Vuitton and Versace, and I only tolerate them because they are what keeps the cover price in a somewhat reasonable range. I appreciate fashion from an artistic standpoint (Project Runway is probably the best ‘reality’ show I’ve seen), but the overall need to be chic – succumbing to fashion for fashion’s sake – seems like little more than an insipid hobby for those who have far too much money.

That said, I have to confess that even I feel there are certain rules that men* should follow when getting dressed. I’m not talking about the great debate of “Sock, Sock, Shoe, Shoe” vs. “Sock, Shoe, Sock, Shoe.” As long as the shoes match one another and the socks are at least passably similar, it doesn’t matter which of these methods you employ to get them on your feet. By the same token, if you want to put your pants on both legs at a time – or, even better, no legs at a time – hey, that’s totally fine with me. All that matters is that the end result does not violate any of the points I’m about to list.

Now, in a perfect world, anyone to whom the following unsolicited advice applies would instantly recognize it as Truth and immediately abide by its time-tested insight. As it is, I’m probably just going to spend the next few hundred words preaching to the choir.

Rule #1: Sandals and Socks – Please Limit Your Choice to One

Look, daddy-o, I know the Birkenstocks are your sensible footwear of choice and far be it from me to impose anything but “the world’s first contoured cork/latex footbed” upon your tender tootsies. I understand that you perceive common shoes as nothing more than Gougandine corsets for the feet and I can appreciate that not having your feet completely imprisoned provides a continual feeling of liberation outdone only by the indescribable rapture of going completely barefoot. Through blooming orchids. During a full moon.

But, for the love of the Great Mother, don’t wear socks with your sandals! If your feet are cold, well, that’s why they make shoes. Socks, while great for providing warmth, are merely shoe supplements; they work in unison with shoes and boots. They do not work with sandals. Sandals, by virtue of their most basic design characteristic, are intended to be worn sans socks. They are summer footwear, as evidenced by the fact that they were invented by desert-dwellers in the Middle East and not by Eskimoes.

Rule #2: Some Shirts Should Not Be Tucked In

Okay, so it’s casual Friday and you’re allowed to wear jeans and a breezy shirt to work. You throw on a pair of Levi’s, a belt, and your favorite novelty t-shirt. So far, so good. But then you make the calamitous mistake of tucking the t-shirt into your jeans. You do that thing with your thumbs to smooth out the front and shift the folds to the back, but this does little to alter the fact that you look like a complete idiot.

Nothing says “I’m an out-of-touch nitwit” like a t-shirt tucked into jeans. (Well, I guess actually a t-shirt tucked into slacks is worse because you’ve combined a t-shirt with slacks, but let’s not digress.) See, jeans are casual. T-shirts are casual. Tucking is the absolute antithesis of casual. I have dear friends who regularly tuck their t-shirts in and most of them are so uptight their diet is 47% Rolaids. Don’t do this to yourself. Lighten up. Let the t-shirt hang freely!

UPDATE: I have been enlightened by a couple of my female readers to the fact that the tucked t-shirt allows proper viewing of other, shall we say, assets. This is a good point and I would acknowledge that a plain white t-shirt tucked in, alá icon of coolness Bruce Springsteen, is perfectly acceptable. It says, “Hey, I had a nicer shirt on over this, but I had to remove it to get rugged.”

Rule #3: Underwear Is Not an Accessory

Straight up, I’m all about lookin’ fly fo’ the ladies, yo. I been sportin’ da Kangol and stylish bling for a minute. But, for real, ain’t no hotties gettin’ all sweaty just ‘cause they can see the waistband of your drawers.

It ought to be common knowledge that only 8-ball ho’s** are turned on by a Tommy Hilfiger logo on your boxers, but then again, if you think showing everyone your underwear is a valid courting ritual, maybe you’re turned on by 8-ball ho’s.

Rule #4: If a Ring Only Fits Your Pinky, It Doesn’t Fit At All

Not a lot of elaboration needed here, folks. Unless you’re either a cigar-chomping, corporate pig-man, or one of those guys who has more piercings than teeth and wears a ring on every finger, you cannot get away with sporting a pinky ring. At best, it’s tacky. At worst, it’s a solid admission that you’re a pretentious tool. I actually have a very nice star-sapphire which is set in a timeless, white gold band. It only fits my pinky. Until I come up with the scratch to have it resized, it remains in its velvet-lined box where it belongs.

Author’s Notes:

* This list applies mainly to men, as the female fashion dynamic is quite different and allows for some deviation not available to the male gender.
**As an English major, I detest the use of apostrophes for pluralization. However, in the interest of not confusing sleazy women with garden tools (and because the entire paragraph is an exercise in butchering the English language anyway), I have opted to fudge it just this once.

_______________________________________________________

About the Photographer: Miles Ranno

Miles Ranno has been behind the camera his enitre life. The type of photos he captures most often are the emotional, candid moments, ranging from love and lust, to rage and craze. Those unrehearsed moments come and go so fast, ”it makes my head spin when I miss the opportunity to photograph them,” says he. For this reason Mr, Ranno goes about his life with his Nikon strapped to his shoulder waiting for those poetic moments to show themselves, so that he can capture and share them with the world.

Macho Cheese

Kirk Starr — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:16:11 +0000

You know, we’re well past the age of hairy chests and gold chains, yet I still see men who cannot seem to grasp what the true nature of manliness actually is. They do the most insipid things to appear virile and masculine, thereby succeeding only in revealing to everyone the basest aspects of being male. As a result, there are quite a lot of women in the world who think that good men simply don’t exist. If he’s not a cheater, then he’s an abuser. If not that, then he must be either a drunkard or a pill-popper. No? That settles it; he’s one of those pathetic punks who’s only capable of loving himself and his car.

And from what I’ve personally seen of late, such concerns are completely justified. I’ve met some real jerks recently. So I’m going to try and sharpen the line a little bit for the idiot knobs who haven’t quite got it figured it out yet. Hopefully, some of the arrogant and aging frat-boys out there will read this and realize it’s time to stop being loutish pigs and start thinking like grown-ups.

Okay, so, in no particular order:

Bragging about your penis is NOT MANLY.
Bragging about your baby daughter IS MANLY.

Having a lot of money and talking about it is NOT MANLY.
Giving a lot of money and not talking about it IS MANLY.

Breaking people down is NOT MANLY.
Lifting people up IS MANLY.

Being able to consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol is NOT MANLY.
Being able to have a great time with friends sans alcohol IS MANLY.

Buying spinners for your car is NOT MANLY.
Buying tampons for your girlfriend IS MANLY.

Having sex with as many women as you can is NOT MANLY.
Having sex with your soul mate as many times as you can IS MANLY.

Physically assaulting someone is NOT MANLY.
Abstaining from violence IS MANLY.

I feel like I’m starting to ramble, so I’m going to stop here. But I think these few examples should get the sharper specimens in the
herd to begin loping in the right direction.

Hey, hope springs eternal, right?

Stay the Hell Away From My Reproductive Rights!

Natasha J. Stillman — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:20:48 +0000

I read an article recently, “Why McCain Should Worry Women” which brought to light that if women want to retain any power at all over their bodies, then they should not, under any circumstances, vote for John McCain.

Here’s an excerpt from the New York Times website, of Senator McCain’s exchange with a reporter in Iowa in March 2007:

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should those grants follow George Bush’s policy, which is just to teach abstinence?”

McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”

Q: “So no contraception, no counselling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”

McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”

After reading the article in its entirety, I can’t understand why everyone isn’t Pro-Choice. Shouldn’t all women, everywhere, want to keep their reproductive rights, um, theirs? Even if one happens to personally feel that abortion is wrong – what right do any of us have to judge another woman in her reproductive choices? What right do we have to impose our beliefs upon others?

This compunction to pass judgment on other people in matters which are none of our collective business is more than troubling, as is passing legislation on such matters. I’ve never had to make the choice, but it’s clear from speaking to other women that by the time they decide to chose abortion, it is a hard and painful decision to make but, oftentimes a vitally necessary one, for any number of personal, medical, or economic reasons. And frankly, whether we agree or disagree with someone else feelings of necessity to make this choice, shouldn’t matter. Because it’s none of our business. It is not our life, it is someone else’s. In fact, it could be mine. So, as an adult woman, is it too much to ask for the government to stay out of my sex life and my reproductive rights?

When Samuel A. Alito Jr. wrote that “the Constitution does not protect a right to an abortion,” he declared his firm opposition to certain affirmative action programs, and strongly endorsed a government role in “protecting traditional values.” At the time, he was a Supreme court nominee. (see Washingtonpost.com — No Right to Abortion, Alito Argued in 1985) Now, as a Supreme Court justice, he has upheld his beliefs, restricting access to reproductive procedures and not even pretending that he and his like-minded justices are ruling with women’s health in mind:

April 30, 2007
In the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s regressive ruling on April 18 in the two abortion ban cases, women’s rights advocates in Congress have introduced the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) S. 1173/H.R. 1964. This legislation, if enacted, would override the Court’s decision in the two cases, Gonzales v. Planned Parenthood and Gonzales v. Carhart, in which the court upheld vaguely-written bans that could prohibit the most commonly used and safest abortion procedures after 12 weeks of pregnancy.

In upholding these bans, five conservative Supreme Court justices have effectively overruled a core element of Roe v. Wade that had been reinforced in many Court decisions: the requirement that legislative restrictions on abortion must contain an exception to protect the woman’s health. …..

With the two recent Bush-appointed justices—John Roberts and Samuel A. Alito, Jr.—and their anti-abortion-rights colleagues Antonio Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Anthony Kennedy, it seems only a matter of time that Roe will be overturned by the high court. States will then be allowed to re-criminalize abortion; doctors and their patients would face the threat of criminal investigation, prosecution, and even imprisonment. Doctors will not risk the consequences, and women’s reproductive health clinics will close. We all know what will take their place.
— Freedom of Choice Act would Guarantee Roe Protections in U.S. Statutes

Apart from the civil right implications here, and the violations of separation of church and state, we only need look at India and China and the very Catholic Philippines, to see that with the immigration problem, exacerbated by record unemployment, uncontrolled birth rates would be a disaster for the US.

And, thanks to Truthdig, I recently found this:

“Last November, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists outlined the ethical guidelines for doctors. Those who have moral objections to performing a legal abortion for a woman don’t have to do it, but they do have to refer her to another doctor or health care provider.
[ACOG]

We’ll quote the ACOG: “Physicians and other health care providers have the duty to refer patients in a timely manner to other providers if they do not feel they can in conscience provide the standard reproductive services that patients request. In resource-poor areas, access to safe and legal reproductive services should be maintained.”

And so, here we have further intrusion by the threat, too, of action against the doctors who help patients needful of abortions. In essence, completely leaving women without any options other than to carry their children to term. Or perhaps attempt a back-room abortion themselves.

In addition, health centres at hundreds of colleges and universities around the country, young women are now paying sharply higher prices for prescription contraceptives because of a change in federal law, which mean increases of three and four times as much. Is the hope here that increasing the cost will prevent young women from having sex? That will hardly happen. What will happen instead is young women everywhere – trying to get an education – at needless risk for pregnancy. Do I need to spell out the socio-economic implications of this?

It is possible to be sexually responsible (meaning have a healthy sex life and being responsible about it) if one is fully and exhaustively educated about sex. But it is not possible without the proper education:

An evaluation, conducted by Mathematica Policy Research Inc. on behalf of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, examined the impact of the abstinence only until marriage programs funded under the 1996 federal welfare reform law.

There have been studies that have been done over the last few years at least that have made it quite clear that abstinence-only education is not only a waste of money, but it is a danger to young adults as well.”
— ‘Abstinence Only’ Sex Ed Ineffective

Yes, dangerous – because, by age 18, 70% of US teens will have had oral sex – dangerous, because likely due to the “just say no” nature of their “education,” many will not learn that you can get AIDS, in addition to other STD’s from oral sex (or anal sex) as well. The misinformation in this type of sex “education” is just mind-boggling, especially when one considers that many parents are quite willing to stick their heads in the sand and cry, “Not my child!” Studies also show that 45% of US teens have had sex at least once. It is up to adults to keep teens safe and healthy and in order to do this, adults must inform their children about all their choices. Otherwise, parents, teachers, legislators, religious mentors, etc., are guilty of playing Russian roulette with the lives of American youth.

When one considers John McCain’s attitude about women and sex education, a potential “Leader of the Free World,” the United States will soon be back to the Dark Ages regarding women’s rights, if he is elected president.

Finally, increasingly fewer medical students are even being taught how to perform abortions these days – in this article, entitled “Why Won’t Med Schools Teach Abortion,” the author cites that 33% of women will have an abortion during their lives – not an insignificant number – it is a dangerous and potentially life-threatening precedent to design curricula which results in a noticeable decrease of doctors who can give women the proper care that we all deserve.

Lives are at stake here. Supporting the restriction or a total federal ban on women’s reproductive rights hurts all women, as well as society as a whole. The measure of how well a country is operating is by how much control its women have over their own lives and their livelihoods. That’s why we must work to keep these matters a personal choice. We must work together to maintain our reproductive freedoms.

So, heads up, ladies! Or someday, women in the US will be fighting far worse battles for our freedoms. (A additional reference that comes to mind here hare would be Margaret Atwood’,s A Handmaid’s Tale. Doesn’t seem much like ‘fiction’ anymore, with the way things are going.)

* For further information click on: Abortion stats for the US and more – there is a link at the top of the page which says, “State Center.” Through this, can find abortion legislation for each state when you click on its location on the map displayed.

That Better Not Be a Wrinkle

Vicola England — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 11:11:34 +0000

I’m 28. It might not sound very old, but the thing is that it’s around this age that you start noticing that things are changing as you get older, and not always for the better:

Crinkly Lines

As I was putting on mascara the other day the dog was jumping up and down trying to catch a fly that was buzzing about just above his head. It was quite an entertaining sight and it made me smile. As I was smiling I turned back to the mirror to finish what I was doing and….SHIT. I nearly had a stroke. For there, around my eyes, where once there was skin as smooth as Vin Diesel’s freshly buffed head, were little crinkly smile lines. When the hell did that happen? I swear they weren’t there the last time I looked, but then maybe I just don’t look that often. So I went out and bought a ridiculously expensive eye cream which has of course made bugger all difference to anything except my bank balance. I fear these little lines are here to stay unless I get myself botoxed and since I’ve never been a fan of the resulting ’slightly startled’ expression, that is unlikely to happen. Crinkly lines eh? I’m ancient. I’m going to wake up next month, look in the mirror and discover that I’ve become the witch in ‘Robin Hood Prince of Thieves’.

Babies

When I was younger people (mainly members of exceedingly tactless extended family) used to make jokes about “So, when are you going to start having babies, eh?”. Now they aren’t joking. One person even informed me that as I was 28 and married, I’d better make a decision soon – tick, tock, tick, tock, and all that. Honestly, how rude. Do I walk into their living room and ask them when they last had a screaming orgasm or whether they’ve had a dump this morning? No, that would be far too personal. So why is that just because I’m a married woman in my late 20s, people feel it’s okay to make enquiries about my reproductive plans? And the next person to ask me why I bothered to get married if I’m not planning to have babies is going to find out exactly why my wrath is feared throughout the land. Sometimes I feel like going out wearing a badge, “I’ve not decided not to have babies, I’ve just not made my mind up yet.”

The other distressing thing is if you haven’t had a baby by 28, it would seem that you are an island of barrenness in an ocean of fertility. In other words, all your friends have got themselves sprogged up. There are now 4 of us, determinedly clinging on to the old ways and keeping hold of our child free status and for us, the world of childbirth, breast feeding, weaning, and potty training, seems like an alien and terrifying place. It’s so much easier just to have a dog. Social Services don’t object if you leave it in the house while you go to the pub and it’s easier to know what to say in a conversation about dog training. I have no idea what is the correct comment to make when someone informs me that little Johnny did his first solid poo today. What? Eh? Is that ood? A friend of mine did for a while take to sending me text updates on how her babies bowels were functioning and I never did work out why.

Memories

It wasn’t until someone I went to uni with made a comment the other day that I realised it’s ten years since I started uni. Where in the hell did TEN WHOLE YEARS go? It doesn’t feel like ten years, I still remember some of it (the less drunken bits) quite clearly, so how can it be ten years? But it is.

1998 I started at Lancaster. Holy crap, I’m turning into my grandmother, “It seems like only yesterday when I was in the WAAF,” she used to say, “Don’t be ridiculous, it was 50 years ago,” I used to think. Scarily, I am beginning to understand where she was coming from.

Fashion

This is one of the most telling ways to work out if you are getting old. Take the latest boy fashion – those jeans that hang so far down their arse that you can see at least three quarters of their designer boxer shorts. Do you think, “Wow, great boxers, he’s wearing those really well,” or do you think, “For goodness sakes, young man, pull your bloody trousers up, you look ridiculous and you can’t possibly be able to walk properly with the crotch of your trousers round your knees.”.Anyone care to guess which category I fall into? Yep, you got it. I absolutely itch to hitch their trousers up to the proper level. And when you see girls in those leggings that are so ‘in’ at the moment. does anyone else think “Blimey, I remember the first time those were in, back in the 80s?” I am no longer in touch with the latest fashion it would seem, which possibly isn’t a bad thing, as I’m far too old to wear the latest fashion without looking like an escaped lunatic or a prostitute.

It would definitely seem that I’m getting older, and there’s nothing I can do about the fact. There’s only one thing for it – I’m going to have to grow old disgracefully. If you can’t beat it, you might as well enjoy it.